- You must not tell lies.
- Never be ashamed of where you come from, even if that means living in a cupboard.
- All men (i.e. Gilderoy Lockhart) with charming smiles are frauds.
- Giants are not very intelligent creatures and can be persuaded to do something for you if you just give them eternal fire.
- If an evil old man arises from the dead, wait until the end of each school year to go fight him, because then the timing will be right.
- Merpeople have kings too, because they totally need hierarchy too.
- If you are ever stranded, just wait by the curb and a strange bus will come to pick you up.
- Never trust your life with anyone named Wormtail.
- Your nails will look awful when you return from the dead and you might need a top-notch manicurist to fix them.
- Unicorn blood will keep you alive, but you will live a half-life if you drink it.
- Wizards tailgate harder for Quidditch matches more than Americans tailgate for football matches.
- Same goes with sports betting.
- Love potions can practically kill your dignity if you drink one. Be cautious if your pumpkin juice doesn’t smell so pumpkin-y.
- Centaurs are good at foretelling the future, so there’s no need to download apps for that if you meet one.
- Traveling by portkey makes you feel like you’re being pulled by your bellybutton and may make you vomit. Proceed with caution.
- House elves prefer to not be freed; otherwise they turn into crying alcoholics. Do not give them clothing items.
- Beware of crazy cat ladies who are drenched in pink, especially if you hear them say, “hem hem.”
- Mending broken bones is easy, but growing them back is painful. Don’t lose your bones.
- The Room of Requirement will appear if you really need to go to the restroom.
- Pumpkin juice should be served at every meal, because health.
- Dragons are seriously misunderstood creatures.
- The Defense Against the Dark Arts position at Hogwarts is jinxed.
- True Seers are hard to come by.
- Phoenixes have healing powers.
- Messing with time can be extremely dangerous, so you have to be careful when you use a time-turner.
- Beaters have the most fun on the quidditch field because their goal is to hurt other players.
- Animagi can communicate with other animals.
- Extendable Ears are the best way to eavesdrop on conversations.
- Making a blood pact is really stupid in the long run.
- You can tamper with your own memory. Just don’t make yourself go crazy.
- The Maraurder’s Map never lies.
- Dementors can’t detect animals, so they won’t have an effect on you in Azkaban if you can transform. This means you can escape if you’re an Animagus.
- There is no real function of a rubber duck.
- Goblins are deceiving creatures that you have to be careful with if you make a deal with them.
- Being able to speak Parseltongue means you are bilingual. Add that to your resume.
- Communicating through fire is totally safe and not at all worrisome.
- Help will always be provided at Hogwarts to those who ask for it…and those who deserve it.
- Butterbeer is not always alcoholic.
- Page 394 is the most important page of a book you will ever read, so turn to it…. NOW.
- You can Disapparate out of Hogwarts grounds only if you’re headmaster.
- Wand law is a thing. Double think what kind of law you want to study next time you try to choose where you want to go to law school.
- Voldemort and his Death Eaters always laugh and narrate before killing their victims. Get out while they’re still talking.
- The Whomping Willow was planted as a way to protect a werewolf. If you’re ever bitten, rent out the space when there’s a full moon.
- Snakes make very loyal pets and will do your dirty work for you.
- Love is the oldest, simplest magic that defeats all other curses.
